The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize