Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
