I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
