Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
