operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
