Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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