Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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