So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
