I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
