remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
