the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
