I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
