Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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