so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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