I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
