there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
