fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
