she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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