i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize