Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
