so explain again why im purple
no
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
