i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
