i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize