I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
