I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize