nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
