i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
