we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
