You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
