what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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