he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
