I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
