I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
