Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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