Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
