The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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