dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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