i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
