I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
