Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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