so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
