i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize