I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize