dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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