She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
