i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
