Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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