her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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