no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
