he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
