Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
