Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
