did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
