hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
