what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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