you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
