Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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