I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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