so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
