You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
