I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
