tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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