i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize