you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
