JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
