Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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