Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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