I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
