Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize