so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize