trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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