Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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