Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
