my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm always down for nudity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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