Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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